So How did I come across this word “Aphantasia”?
Last week while I was day-dreaming (here day dreaming for me means: internal monologue), I tried to imagine something, an apple and all I saw was just black space / just black. I had experienced this before but never questioned it cuz I thought it was normal for everyone.
I thought for a while and tried a few times to imagine other things, but couldn’t. I moved on. After a couple of days, purely by coincidence, a video popped up in my YouTube algorithm: Video_Reference_1 & Video_Reference_2.
Summary of the video: The talk explains how our ability to visualize images in the “mind’s eye” varies widely. Adam Zeman describes aphantasia, a condition where individuals cannot form mental images at all, and contrasts it with hyperphantasia, where imagery is extremely vivid. He shows that mental imagery exists on a spectrum and that even people with aphantasia may still dream visually, implying different brain systems for voluntary vs. involuntary imagery. The talk highlights how these differences affect how people remember, imagine, create, and think, while emphasizing that aphantasia isn’t a disorder, it’s a different cognitive style.
Only after watching the video did I realize this isn’t common. Throughout my life I lived with it without checking with others, cuz I assumed everyone experienced things the same way.
When I thought back about past choices and behaviours, it started to make sense. For example, during exams I often avoided drawing cuz I couldn’t mentally picture what I had practised, so I subconsciously told myself it was a hassle and skipped drawing.
As an aphantasian, I can barely recall past or childhood experiences, which left me frustrated cuz I simply couldn’t visualize them. I have very weak visual memory, which is why I struggle to remember people or events.
If I don’t have visual imagery, how do I get through the day? The answer is my never-ending internal monologue. There’s this voice in my mind that runs like 24/7, except when I dream. Sometimes it gets overwhelming cuz I have little control over it. My internal monologue speaks constantly, while in real life I rarely do (p.s. I’m an introvert).
Can I never imagine images or scenes at all? Mostly yes, I can’t imagine them. But dreaming is an exception. Dreaming is the only time where I can see people or scenes; it feels almost real, as if I’m living it. Everything feels right, and that might be a reason I subconsciously craved sleep, so I could at least experience visuals in dreams.
So thats’s how I learned about this and just wanted to share about it. Maybe someone out there might realize it today like how I did.